The Metrosexual Mom

Image Courtesy : http://www.meetup.com/mommynetwork/about/

India was shining, Mumbai was the epicenter. The new millennium had ushered in a genetically advanced generation. One of the adept species was the Metro sexual Mom. Gone were the days of being called a ‘simple housewife’, she now settled for the more demure ‘domestic goddess’ instead. With her ‘ladies (and lads) in waiting, that were paid handsomely to be at the beck and call of their mistress, she rose like a phoenix from the ashes. While they toiled, she sweated it out at the gym, caught up on gossip and monitored the flawless functioning of her immaculate house by the help. The Metrosexual Mom was here to stay.

Shilpa, Karishma and Malaika met on the first day of kindergarten and have been friends since then. Can’t say the same about their kids though, who hardly had a choice in the matter. And so it was, the tiny tots went to school and the moms hung around for coffee and conversations in a true chick flick style. Their husbands were introduced at one of the high tea parties and soon Sooraj Barjatya’s ‘Hum Saath Saath Hain’, pretty much became their tagline. Dinners, discotheques, movies and vacations were now a grand affair, until that one fateful day when Shilpa changed the equation forever.

It was her precious angel’s birthday and Shilpa went all out to make it a memorable affair for Shanaya, with a ‘princess themed party’. A grand hotel venue, mouthwatering buffet, matching décor, and ‘phoren’ return gifts marked the occasion. Every child came back with a royal hamper that had an Ipod, chocolates and a map to Disneyland as the return gift. She had spent close to 2 lakhs on the celebration, but then again it was all for the benefit of her 5 year old who really just wanted to open her gifts.  Yet, the die had been cast and there was no turning back for the other moms. It could only get bigger and better here on, for Momzilla was now on the loose.

Malaika had a twin celebration coming up, as her boys were turning, you guessed it, five. Not the one to take things lying down, she chose the affable Harry Potter to her rescue. The invites were sent in personalized ‘magical’ bottles that promised to grant you a special wish at the birthday of Aryan and Ayaan. The birthday venue was transformed to a film set of Hogwarts. Every child was given a cape and magic wand. The sorcerer was none other than Dumbledore who showed the kids how pigeons came out of hats and other such tricks for daily use. The return gift, hold your breath, was your own personal owl that came in a silver cage with a golden key. Malaika had done it like the queen, never mind the cost and a broke husband.

Karishma was unfortunately the last in line to show off her maternal expertise. At her wits end, she had no clue how to top this race, but she knew she must. So Kiara’s birthday party was an all expense paid one day trip to La La Land. Pool, games, rain dance, sand and surf and not to miss the charted airplane ride that had the kids and moms asking for more. Karishma knew she had arrived when she saw the incredulous looks across the faces of Malaika and Shilpa. Ha! But the best was yet to come. They should have known they were messing with ‘top of the line’ goods. Right enough, every child was given an Xbox and the moms, dear Lord, were given a personal blogger. Complete with a degree in English Literature, she would ensure that your life was now a window to the world. Trained to chronicle your lifestyle, she would ‘ghost write’ a best seller (of course editing the truth and adding the fiction bit) and thus guarantee that you are the next Chetan Bhagat, the best the nation has ever seen.

Needless to say, that it was the last the three ever met, for reasons best known to their husbands’ pockets. As for me, Hi, I am BlogwatiG and I’m a blogoholic……………..hark, I hear my mistress call!

 

 

 

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21 responses to “The Metrosexual Mom”

  1. Purba avatar

    You killed it with the personal blogger bit!

    Why don’t I ever get invited to parties like these? I really wouldn’t mind an owl with a golden key 😀

    P.S get rid of your word verification please?

  2. BlogwatiG avatar

    Made in Mumbai@ a humble wife is not what every man wants….he pretty much craves for the kitty types….so then I guess it is a fair deal 😛

    Noella@ Danke!

    Rosie@ Pretty much my funda too….though have yet to find my way back to cake, samosa and rasna 😀

    Soniaji@ Ab chand durr nahin…..outer space, possible!

    C.Suresh@ That makes me very happy 😀

    Purba@ The personal blogger bit put intentionally for those who think…it’s only words.
    We did get birds, we set them free…:(
    Aye Aye captain, the deed has been done 🙂

  3. Made in Mumbai avatar

    Thank god I am not married! I would have been ruined! Gone are the days of the humble wife protecting your interests, these days its the kitty party wives who are out to bankrupt you!

  4. Noella Abigail avatar

    Extremely good…. its really put up well with the spark of a flawless writting style…. well done… 🙂

  5. Rosie avatar

    i totallly get ur post lol!!!….however i am looking at arranging parties where i follow the “cheap is exciting” motto!! 🙂 sheeesh…

  6. Sonia Rao avatar

    Blogwati G, this was definitely a ROFL post!!! One must appreciate the creativity of the one-up-‘woman’ship games these metrosexual moms play. And I guess, it never ends….So, the next frontier: Outer Space???? :)))

  7. C. Suresh avatar

    Hilarious post. Been reading every one of yours and you have not let me down yet.

  8. debajyoti avatar

    hahahaha. absolutely loved it. more than the humor bit, the way you presented it was exceptional. brilliant!!

  9. Chatty Wren avatar

    Superb post!! loved the humour, tongue-in-cheek, I think?! The personal blogger bit was the best thing and ur explanation to one of the previous comments too!!

  10. BlogwatiG avatar

    Debajyoti@ thanks, was hoping to strike a chord 😀

    Chatty@ Gracias, this was a post in reply to some vague statement….hence the blogger bit….or else I would have replaced it with a ‘hi tech maid’ aka IRONA from Richie Rich 😀

  11. Subhorup Dasgupta avatar

    Your narration and the sting in your portrayals is brilliant (and accurate). Enjoyed reading.

  12. Rachna avatar

    Poor husbands! These species of wives and moms are increasing alarmingly.

  13. Blogwati Gee avatar

    Rachna @ Husbands are no less in flashing their stylebhaigiri….so I would say Ram Milaye Jodi 😀

    Abhudaya @ Gosh! that is quite a compliment…though I am nowhere close…but still humbled 🙂

  14. Blogwati Gee avatar

    Subhorup @ Sorry missed your comment earlier……..yeah the sting comes from being a woman I guess….years of practice….lol….but thanks for the compliment 😀

  15. Abhyudaya Shrivastava avatar

    If PG Wodehouse would have been alive, he’d have patted your back!

  16. vasu avatar

    Loved this ! Many believe in spending for show off-nothing less matters.

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Very true Vasu. Sad, but true.

  17. Saher avatar

    Brilliant post, very well written and loved that the humour was inevidently visible throughout! 😀

    following you now!

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Thanks so much Saher……glad you dropped by.

  18. Bhavana avatar

    You are such a great writer. Every word, phrase crafted so well and so perfectly. Yeah it was funny but I couldn’t help noticing how beautifully funny! You rock in every sense!

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Gosh, Bhavana…………….my head is way up in the clouds now…..but I am not complaining.

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