This is how it all started. She is my lucky charm and we share our blogoversary today. She completes 3 years, I just turned one. And it gives me immense pleasure to open the gates of ‘guest blogging’ on my blog with her post. I don’t need a list of adjectives to describe her, you probably have a long one of your own. But the one word that comes to my mind is ‘demure’. If you have spoken to her, Purba has the voice of a 16 year old. Yeah, she looks 21 though. Soft spoken, yet her words fall like a symphony when she is at it. Gracious to laugh at herself and show you the mirror if need be, Purba Ray is definitely A-musing!
Before the age of special effects, before innocence was dead, during my frilly frock days – God was my superhero. I believed it was He who could set things right that I had messed up so badly. He was my confidante, my sounding board, the one who listened to my whys and why nots patiently. He was my first strong and silent one before I graduated to Mills and Boons.
Now before you turn around and ask me, why He, why not a She – I’d like to admit that it was because I knew no better. He was meant to protect, while She was meant to nurture and I had accepted this logic without a murmur of protest.
My Thamma (paternal grandma) had a huge role to play in orchestrating my faith in Him. She loved God in all forms, in all his Technicolour glory. Every time she wanted to watch “Jai Santoshi Maa”, “Jai Bhambole” on large screen, I was expected to give her company. She would watch the entire movie with her hands folded, while my face was a kaleidoscope of emotions – from a smirk, to amusement, to awe. I mean you have to be really cool to be riding a tiger, killing bad men with state of the art weapons, wear animal skin, smear yourself with ash and indulge in kickass feats. Things that mere humans couldn’t even dream of. If Ram was a knight in shining armour saving his wifey from the evil clutches of a lusty Lankan, then Krishna was the multitasking consummate flirt! They flew, they loved not once but many a times, they sat on a huge lotus in the middle of the sea and killed ugly creatures without batting an eyelid. And what’s more, they were all fair and lovely. Except Kali, the rebel who drank blood and wore a garland of human heads. Even those dead human heads looked so happy, strung around her dark neck!
So, can you blame my unquestioned devotion to them! I mean I had 33 million Gods to choose from to send in my requests and what’s more, all of them were so cool!
As an overzealous four year old kid who loved her pencils sharp, I once got so engrossed in my pursuit that I managed to decimate it to a measly stub. Horrified that I had snuffed life out of my brand new pencil, I promptly put it in front of him and demanded a rollback. I prayed, I cried, I ranted. He didn’t listen. But, he made sure that I didn’t get scolded for my “misdeed”.
I had become ambitious now. I wanted a brother. Since my parents looked quite incapable of performing this feat, I decided to forward my application to him. So every evening, for exactly two days, I would sit in the veranda, meditating. I made sure that the entire house knew about my noble pursuit. In between I would take breaks, only to scream – don’t disturb me! I’m praying.
It worked and how! Two years later my mother gifted me a brother and I spent the rest of my childhood making life hell for him.
All through my school and college days, when I discovered I had spent too much time in partaking of the pleasures life had to offer and had completely ignored my syllabus – I would pray as if my life depended on it. Before the results were to be announced, I prayed harder – my heart filled with hope and longing, promising to give up guilty pleasures for that much coveted grade. It never worked.
But God works in mysterious ways. If he refuses to oblige you with miracles, he makes sure that you don’t miss out on lessons of life. He made me realize, Gold helps those who help themselves, the lazy can go to hell. He made me aware that I should never give up on my efforts just because they didn’t bear any fruits. He told me to never give up on hope and that life’s adversities are in fact blessings in disguise. And that the only roadblock between success and me was my fear of failure.
He made sure I kept my eyes wide open, ears sharp as I traversed through the U turns of life. And at the end of each deadly U turn was a sparkly pearl of wisdom waiting for me.
It’s now a Her. I call her Maa. She loves throwing googlies at me, dangling big question marks that rob me of my sleep. But I know she’s just playing with me. She has my best interests in her heart. She has taught me to accept the good, the bad, the ugly with grace. She has made me understand that there are no eternal facts, as there are no absolute truths.
I falter, blunder through life knowing her benign presence is watching me, with an amused smile playing on her face. But despite my failings, unreasonable tantrums – I know she hasn’t given up on me. At least, not yet.
She is my hope that refuses to die.