I’d always been an ace student and laid claim to a spot in the top 5, year after year. Grade 5 was a turning point in my life. Secondary school was a different ball game compared to the sheltered primary years. Grade 6 proved to be equally life changing. For the first time, I failed in a subject. Maths. It was a shocker to all those who knew me. I had managed to do the unthinkable. In my defence, introduction to Algebra was giving me a hard time. I had plummeted to a 27 out of 100 in the first term. My teachers, friends and classmates were equally flummoxed. Funny thing was, even with a 27/100, I was still ranking 3rd in class with all my other subject scores. However, a red line meant ‘no rank’. It was a very difficult time for the 11 year old me.
I did not tell my mom my scores. When she came for the Parent Teacher Meet, her face fell. For a woman who always questioned me on the missing mark on a 99%, she was silent. When she spoke, which was after eternity, she gave me an unwritten commandment. “You should have told me. I would have known how to deal with this better. But since you did not, I gather you know your way from here.” For the first time, it was not about the marks. It was about me. She seemed to know for sure, this too would pass and I’d emerge in flying colours. I was determined to prove her right.
Back then, tuitions was not such a fad and was meant for ‘weaker’ students. Guides and Self-study books too were a strict no-no. But then again, I was at a crossroad and any place would be better than ‘here’. So, first things first. I bought a Navneet guide for Rs 20/-. My problem, I figured, was understanding the concepts and hence execution. Blaming the teacher would take me nowhere. So, I worked and reworked the sums. My Rakhi brother came and tutored me for some time. I learnt that no one is invincible. Help, at times, does make the distance doable. Final term was around the corner. I accelerated the pace. I scored a whopping 81 out of 100. I finally reclaimed what was mine all along. Yes, I stood third in class.
If you asked me then, I wasn’t particularly proud of this academic year. Today, in retrospect, I feel I learnt a whole lot about life in that one term. My mom came to accept that I could fail, at least academically. And when she saw me rise like the Phoenix from the ashes, failure did not look so bad. I think, I learnt that you need to fall to learn to focus. Failing did not scare me. I’d broken the jinx. Mom knew I could take care of myself. So did I.
In present times, I see parents struggling with curriculum. Yeah, it’s a BIG thing. They keep a tab on who scored what? Which kid goes for which classes? Who teaches the kid at home? Play dates directly from school become a ruse for first-hand information on school books. That a particular kid might just be interested in a subject and hence does well does not cross their mind. They want their child to be ‘like’ that kid! I have just one question…………………….WTF? So, if your child isn’t acing the class, s/he is not worth it? Are marks an indication of WHO your child really is?
On the other hand, kids are also protected for their own good. A teacher was loud. Go to the principal. A classmate was brash. Go to the principal. The principal was strict. Go to the police. Bottom line, how dare they say that to my child? If you are going to molly coddle your child, how do you expect them to fall and then get up without howling? And heavens help us with what the kids are making out of this jamboree via the precedents we set. We have little regard for rules and regulations. Everything is just a phone call/chat/sms away. We forget that kids learn the most by example. Why does failure scare parents so much? Is it because they feel it reflects poorly on their social report card? Or they have a dearth of topics to discuss in their innumerable soirées?
Kids inherit the pressure from their parents. So much so that they feel beneath them to ask for help. Correct them and their eyes have a flood of tears that threaten to break the dam of common sense. The older ones learn to keep this inside and become rebellious. And if these kids are not taught to introspect, we can’t leave them any less uneducated. As parents we ought to teach them to participate and not to win. Teach them to learn and not go by rote. Teach them to apply rather than just reply within set parameters of definitions. Eventually, all kids will have a mark sheet. Teach them that they are beyond that piece of paper. Teach them that the first 20 years of their life will be memorable. But the rest of their lifetime has just begun. And every day is an unwritten chapter with a twist in the tale. Look out for the plot points.
Today, as I try to balance being a mom and an ambitious writer (yes, I heard that smirk), I struggle on similar battlefields. The princess is nothing like me (or my husband for that matter, but he is the father, be rest assured). She is more than glad to take one day at a time. Academics don’t drive her car. Creativity does. In fact, she is a replica of my sister. I just went through the labour. My sister, at the age of 12, wanted to travel the world. I thought ‘holidaying’ did not seem like an apt career path. But, present day, as part of the international aviation industry she is doing just that. She did not know big words. But she knew the directions to get where she was going. And if the princess is going to be anything like her, I am sorted. And even if she doesn’t, she will find that one thing that makes her happy. And irrespective of whether she does or doesn’t, I’ll always be a proud parent. For I have a crown that fits my head perfectly…..
A friend suggested this video for this post after reading it……I thought it was perfect!
Comments
That is a brilliant thought – that it is not important to know the big words, but the direction that you want to head in.
Kudos for such a nice essay.
And I am thoroughly impressed that you have preserved your marksheet from so many years ago! I don’t even know where my college graduation degree is! 😛
Thanks Rickie. This has been playing on my mind for the longest time. And yes, I kinda collect things….so I do have my kindergarten certificates too. 🙂
Your role, as a mother, is going in the right direction and your daughter is lucky to have you !
I hope so Anita. We can only do what we think best. But we also must know when to cut the umbilical cord….
Agree with you so much. I wish I was like you when I was in my primary, secondary schools. My mother did not necessarily force me to get excellent marks, but I somehow felt I had pressure from her. She used to constantly tell everyone how good I was in studies and so I thought I had to maintain the ‘excellence’, I guess.
Even today I do not know which field I would have preferred to choose for my career and to hone in it. I am mathematics, physics graduate, and today I am working on business process improvements and project management for financial business processes (before I did accounting). So as you can see there is no connection between my education and my career.
Funny enough I was good at algebra and mathematics- trigonometry and calculus was my fav.
Until my graduation time, I was getting trainings in classical carnatic music (learnt until senior level), but I felt singing songs that praised god was boring (I did not hear any other kinds of songs apart from old songs from hindi and kannada). So I did not continue my education in music (even though my teacher who was a PHd guide in manasagangotri at Mysore wished me to take up music education further & even though I love to sing possibly in films :-/)
Anyway, I had written on a similar topic. Nothing brilliant as yours 🙂 but just my thoughts on the education system.
http://bhavana-pen.blogspot.co.uk/2010/11/education-and-schooling-where-is-it.html
Do read when time permits and would be happy to know your thoughts.
Whoa…lady….you never cease to amaze me. A multi faceted persona eh? Read your post too and could not agree more. Our system is flawed. But then again, look at the way you turned out…..perfect. I wish I could do an iota of what you do for society.
Well said again. Thought I was the only one out of that ‘rat’ race. Glad we think alike. 🙂
I knew there was a reason I liked you 😀
Fantastic thoughts ! Each one of us marches to our own drumbeat.I think we should let the kids be and discover their own calling themselves instead of forcing our own ideas down their throat.
I loved the way your mom let you find a way out on your own !
Absolutely Ruchira. And maybe some are not musically inclined either…..but that is ok. I think parents need to learn to breathe in and breathe out. And yup my mum has taught me in the most unconventional ways…..I may not endorse….but I am grateful 🙂
It’s awesome that you’ve kept your marksheet all these years!! Mine are no doubt in some hellish burning place along with voodoo dolls of all my teachers!!
Fortunately I had great teachers. That is something I wish the present generation had 🙂
simply superb post… absolutely inspiring.
Thanks Roshan…..hope a whole lot more parents read the same and remember.
I remember one line from the movie ‘Gods Must be Crazy’ It says, They have made living in the world so complicated that it takes 20 years of your life to learn it.
It’s not the mark and grades that gear you for your future career but each day with friends and family, the experience, what u heard and saw then.
Bang on Shine. I couldn’t have said it any better 🙂
Brilliant, brilliant post!!! I was seen nodding my head vigorously for each one of the sentiments you’ve put forth in this one! When are we going to learn that it is not just to score in the exams that we need education for our kids?? sheesh!!
For that Nirvana parents need to be ‘educated’ first.
Nodding, nodding and nodding again. And applauding your Mum, you and your two ‘daughters’.
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Simply perfect …. I still don’t know big words…Its that damm e and I.. he he he he he thank god for auto correct… correct na…:)
I should keep this in mind when I have kids. Worth their weight in Gold, I say.
Joy always,
Susan