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Men might not be from Mars, but they surely don’t try too hard to change the adage. If they only took the time to set a few things right, they’d have women worshiping the ground they walk on. Ok, now that I have your undivided attention, let’s get this baby going. No, you idiot! Not my place, nor yours for that matter. I mean this darn blog post. Breathe now!
Let’s start at the very beginning. Scenario one, Boy sees girl. He likes what he sees. Ask him what she looked like and he probably will probably pay an ode to the twins. Any boy shaking his head while reading this, just one question. What was she wearing? If your answer is a spaghetti top, yup, you’ve noticed them. The right answer is Blue Suede shoes.
On the other hand, Scenario Two, Girl sees Boy. This is what the blurb would read ‘Hmmm, a tab bit unkempt, but he has such soft brown eyes. And blue makes him look so darn hot. He looks a little shy. Maybe I’ll talk to him. But what if he already has a girlfriend? Oh dear, it will make me look like an idiot. Stop, stop right now. Turn your head, give him the look and walk away. Hope he did not notice me staring’…………... And if we were to ask, what was he wearing? A blue shirt with a light blue collar, denims and Nike shoes. He was 5.10″ and straight out the M&B novels. He lives in Bandra and has a dog named Gabbar……………..get the drift?
Too much disparity, so little time and patience. So how do we bridge the gap? Here’s a step by step ‘how’. Read, learn and be enlightened.
For Him
1. Notice her beyond what you see. She is worth it.
2. She likes to talk. Get over it and pay attention.
3. Women fall hook, line and sinker for a man with good humour. Cheap jokes, save it.
4. Holding hands will earn you brownie points. Over the top PDA is a strict no no.
5. When you kiss, don’t be a wanderlust. Focus. And keep a tab on your hands, please!
6. When you go the mile, make sure to ask for directions. Don’t drive like a maniac.
7. Sports does not equal shopping. Sports is null and void in an argument, mostly.
8. The toilet seat remains down. No questioning that!
9. For Chrissake, match your shoes and your belt! It’s a cardinal rule of evolution.
10. You are her boyfriend, not her bodyguard. Give her some space dude.
For Her
1. He is not a DIY project. Don’t attempt to change him.
2. Yes, there are days he does not want to be with you. Stop whining.
3. Don’t attempt to give him a pet name. Get a parrot, dog, fish for your ‘Pumpkin’ fetish.
4. He is not an upgrade from the ‘have beens’ in your life. Stop keeping scores.
5. Throw those M&Bs out coz frankly my dear, he don’t give a damn.
6. He does not need you to chronicle his life, let alone his faults.
7. Don’t expect him to read the signs if they are in Chinese.
8. Passion is a key ingredient. Don’t save it for collecting shoes.
9. Don’t complicate things. Tell him once. If he don’t listen, outsource. He’ll learn.
10. Lace is known to scale walls which tears could not wash away. Use it woman!
And now that you know, don’t kill each other. Let Mars and Venus co-exist, or not, as I take the next flight to Sedna. Tally Ho, my peeps.
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