I would be lying if I say I don’t cuss. In fact, it is a grammatical part of my life. There are times I can express myself explicitly only with an expletive. Don’t judge me, I’m Punjabi by birth. So, there, I have confessed I am a sinner. Ergo, clearly, I can’t pick the first stone in this case. So let’s be mature adults, and discuss about this AIB Roast. Shall we?

AIB Roast

Like everything else on You Tube, I chanced upon the now removed AIB Roast video of the infamous duo – Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer Singh. I saw all the videos sequentially.

I laughed.

I smirked.

I grimaced.

I giggled.

I mocked.

I applauded.

Shame on me!

So what exactly was this AIB Roast?

Well, to quote Wikipedia – Roasting is a cooking method that uses dry heat, whether an open flame, oven, or other heat source. Roasting can enhance flavor through caramelization and Maillard browning on the surface of the food.”

And it is somewhat the same when you ‘Roast’ a guest of honour. You put them in the line of fire and DON’T raise a toast, to put it plain and simple. Yes, yes, totally a western tradition.

On Tuesday, Maharashtra Chief Minister Devendra Fadnavis had said, “If the AIB roast was vulgar and not in accordance with the law, then we will act.”

And you know what AIB, I agree. This is why your AIB Roast was wrong on so many levels.

1. You can’t talk about women in a derogatory manner. But it’s okay to physically manhandle them, rape and kill them. No one cares beyond a certain expiry date of public memory.

2. You can’t have a war of (bad) words in public. Take to the streets as angry mobs, cause disruption to life and destroy public property to prove a point, dudes.

3. You can’t talk about sex, sexual preferences and who is dating who, hawwww. It is, however, absolutely okay to watch porn in a parliament in session.

4. You need a performance licence, you dimwits. All you had to do was simply erect a wayside pandal and blast the loudspeakers way past the 10 pm deadline, you duffers.

5. You can’t give all the proceeds to charity. What about the coffers that need filling, you retards?

6. You think this was a family event like the many reality shows we have on television? Our bloody deo ads have more ‘sanskar’ than that, you losers.

7. You call this humour, you (para)chutes? Where was the comic filter that passes double meaning innuendos? Refer to an entire decade of that in Bollywood.

8. You sold tickets online? Bleddy artwholes, you should have simply gone door to door, and hand delivered them. Now see what you landed up into just coz a few invites did not go out.

9. You talked about politicians and their politics? Such amateurs, I tell you. Haven’t you learned anything about how to stay incognito in this country to survive? Leave your bleddy opinions at the back of beyond. You know that field beyond the right and wrong, yes six feet under that!

10. And lastly, to all those like me who are offended at missing this LIVE – Dayam Man!!!!!

Yes, I chose what I wanted to enjoy even though I knew it was ‘scripted’. I also chose it because I believe I am an adult who can choose what she wants to watch. I also know when to walk away from what I don’t want to be influenced by. And right now I am offended that as a woman in India, taking about my body parts is inappropriate but groping them is totally A-okay

The AIB Roast wasn’t a congregation of the holier than thous. It was an insult party. Maybe over the top for a few, yes, but then not all of us are uniform in our choices. And as the largest democracy this is bound to happen. However, as a nation, we always take offence on issues, and not action on priorities.

You can’t invite offence to an INSULT PARTY!

It takes a very secure person to go on stage and be laughed at. And goodness, gracious, great balls of fire on everyone who stood on that stage and took the profanity laced brickbats. It is not easy, even if it is an pre-approved enactment, particularly in the face of a larger than life audience. Take a bow you people.

And to all those who are planning on commenting on this post. If you are a cuss-virgin, please refrain. This is not a deflowering plant. If you are politically associated or motivated, please know this post or AIB is the least of your concerns. For your unchanneled anger, head to our country borders where our army is dealing with real-time crisis. Lend them a hand, or two. But please, don’t you be moral policing on my blog.

Because unlike AIB, I won’t take this post down.

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