You can stop humming the Fine Young Cannibals and read for a change. I swear, I meant to write another post, but you know how life is. Here you are minding your own business, and the next minute it throws you curve balls. Now the fertile mind that I have, a concoction of events takes shape and they flow out in a word recipe.
The female species have baffled mankind for the longest period of time. Of course there are fab women out there, but some are perpetually in a state of PMS and that gives the rest of the girl gang a bad name. Worse, if they share the same social circle. The ‘eat together, drink together and poop together’ syndrome is at an all time high. Of course, it takes all sorts to make the world, but when they live within your daily communication radius, it can be quite cumbersome to keep up.
Ms. Goal keeper
This woman was the inventor of the score card. Apart from your child’s grades, she knows how your husband fared in his horizontal workouts and what was your ‘inch loss’ over your ‘weight loss’! She knows the classes to go for and will have a ready-reckoner for every vacation to take. Heck she even knows what you did last summer. A goal saved is as good as a goal scored, eventually. In the mind’s eye, NASA has been conquered.
She is here, there, everywhere, reads all, knows all. Has an opinion but won’t confirm. May add her two pence but would not want to be quoted or misquoted. Avoids controversies but will love to chat about it. She is the one who hangs around because this seemingly symbiotic relationship is actually a favorable one for her. According to her, all the world is a stage, but the performances suck for want of a better script. She promises to switch over, but then again won’t confirm when?
Ms. Blender
As the name suggests, tries too hard to mix in. Camouflage is not one of her best skills, hence will participate, laugh, crack up and nod in agreement to pretty much what is on the table. Never mind she is miles away from deciphering the code of conduct. She sits pretty and adds to the backdrop. Harmless but could be a latch on if not watched out for. Has a tendency to be the creeper on the mighty oak. Frets over issues of in-consequence.
Ms. Shape Shifter
Not that this kinda woman shifts her shape, well actually, that too, but she can’t decide which side she belongs to. So she conveniently is the pigeon one day, the statue on the others. Busy as a bee, she flits from one flower to the other gathering the all too precious nectar for survival. The beauty of this woman lies in her ability to traverse the length and the breadth of a conversation and yet come back with zilch info or so you think. Priceless, doffing my hat, Milady!
Ms. Wannabe
Here is the stalwart of all times. She has newly found freedom and a life she just discovered. She rushes where angels dread. Speed of (F)light is a slight problem, but flashes of brilliance occur occasionally. All that she wants is to be the superstar, someday over the rainbow. The brand ambassador of liposuction and their kinds, she can’t think beyond her pretty countenance. The world is her kitty. Blonde, no. Daft, er….yes!
Ms. Narcissist
The Queen, she expects her subjects to bow down to her whims and fancies. Apart from the fact that she is a self proclaimed Goddess, she expects you to endorse her choices. So you feel darn awkward if you so much so plead guilty to making a deviation. Her area of focus is limited and multitasking is not really one of her virtues. Hence she relies on the army of ants for her chores which she seemingly delegates in choices of ‘pick and drop’. Humour is a strict no-no and God bless you if you go beyond topics of weight loss and brands splurged on. Artificial Intelligence just got bifurcated.
Yup they add the spice and they make the mare go…yada yada yada, but wish they’d pick another backyard or at least change the conversational topics. Or maybe it is time to move on and find solace amidst strangers who match my alien wavelength. So have you met any of these? Or do you have a list to add? Bring it on!
Statutory warning : Sense of humour is mandatory to read this post. In case you are found wanting in the category, we suggest you trade your Guccis and Louis Vuittons for the same.
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I am trying to do that….lol….ever since you suggested. 😀
This is the first post I read today and believe me, I enjoyed it immensely. Met every kind of these. And there are some who are a mix of all these and don’t know it yet. 🙂
And guilty as charged in one or two of the cases, not going to mention which ones. 🙂 Figure it out. 🙂
Hilarious! I think I can find qualities from each category in me :). Which one do you belong to btw ;-).
Jyothi, you are so gracious 😀
Rachna, I am a culmination of all….they call me Super Bitch! 😀
Interesting.. I liked ur post very much..
MindStuff
Thanks Kapil.
Very interesting.. u hav very different style of writing.. i liked it…
Mind Stuff
I see shades of all of these in me! 😉
But what about Ms Sugah – the kind who’s dripping sweetness to get you to like her – and who you almost always need an airsickness back around for, huh?
How uninteresting life would be without these characters!
Well Corinne, like I said…take off from where I left 😛
Ha ha ha Jaish….now you know why the men are confused all the time 😛
Ha ha ha Janu….with all the names I am getting, I promise to do a sequel 😀
A. Jacinta……don’t we all? 😀
Susan you can stand right next to me……..I am the Super Bitch…..*adjusts her cape*
lol…Guide to Womandom?
How I wish you had added a poll at the end of the post asking your women readers which category they belong to!
As Rachna said I think I keep shifting from one of these types to another 😀 Lol!
Gulp! I see myself there…
There’s Ms. Moneybags too…who likes to flaunt in front of her have-not friends but, at the same time tries to be modest about it.
Had me grinning …cause I did identify with some trait or the other …
Only one male commenter. I’m waiting for the men to come . . . nt. Well, I need a special category for me now. Perhaps, the non-category nerdy and bitchy woman!
Joy always,
Susan
Nirvana, I promise a sequel to this with all the suggestions……..he he he.
Nirvana, I promise a sequel to this with all the suggestions……..he he he.
Amit, I’m sure you would now 🙂
phewwwwwwwwwwww 🙂 I have none of these ha ha ha 🙂
Nice one mam..
Bikram’s
Bikram, you are lucky……don’t spread the news….they will come and get you! 😛
Zephr, I promise you centre stage in the sequel….lol!
How come you don’t have a category called escaped-from-the-loony-place ? Would fit in like a glove there! Awesome post – giggling so much, its giving ideas to people around!
Ruchira, so get you….and well whining I think pretty much most women do…lol. But yeah….will keep that in mind for the part 2
Mind blowing! Great stuff:)
…missing any of them would mean missing out a flavor in life:)
I loved them all! Thank you!!
And you have forgotten Grande Dame Know-it-all — ME 😀
What a good read that was ! I hate Ms narcissist the most 🙂
There is also something called Ms whiner – these ladies whine and complain all the time gah !!
Thank you, you just destroyed any hopes of a romance in my life since I just crossed the last 7 girls off my “wife-her-up” list because of this article. Oink!
Jokes apart, that is a great read, and despair not, I know female alien life-forms that match your wavelength who I will be happy to introduce you to. There is only one catch though. Me.
Sandy, teri dulhan toh main aur Ghazala milkar chunenge….lol! Yeh vaada raha~
thanks Shazia…and just about visited yours too……gonna frequent it myself. Love the crochet bit!
I just found your blog, and have been stalking it for the past ‘few’ mins. And I’m loving it!
And your descriptions are pretty hilarious lol, can identify with a couple of traits ;).
Not to forget ‘Damsel in distress’ BG.The one who plays delicate darling as soon as she spots a member of the male species.
Sharmila, that will be in the dwitiya section of this post for sure!
Smile away Prateek…and then go and date one of these bimbettes and I will have the last laugh 😛
Thanks Ash 🙂
This “by a woman-for a woman-of a woman” piece should be saved, learned and repeated by all MEN :D…can give us counter-arguments in countless occasions! 😀
Ur, witty as ever 🙂
good one 😀
Ha ha ha…why would I? Now I know the inside scoop! 😀
What about the M’Lady I am always right? She is the boss of the neighbourhood, hubby covers in front of her, kids are insipid and well behaved and if you see her, you are tempted to cross the road before she tells you exactly how to colour coordinate your clothes or where to shop?
Prateek, you can run but you can’t hide 😛
Phoenixritu, now another one for the next series…..must pen that soon 🙂