The Queen of Tarts

Queen of Hearts
Image Courtesy : Google

 

“Off with her head”, she screamed for the nth time.

And, yet another innocent soul was unceremoniously discarded from the pack. Her offense? She liked white roses just the way they were. Poor thing, never lived to see another one blossom. And so it had been. You survived if you did not question, rave or rant. It was the unspoken royal decree. That the imperial temper tantrums were reaching dizzying heights was a given. Something had to be done. But what? After all, she was the undisputed Queen of Tarts.

That lone autumn morning saw him saunter into the kingdom gates. Dressed in an olive green robe, he looked pretty nonchalant. He wore a strange pointed hat with bells. His sense of fashion definitely implied that he was a newcomer. For he had, hold your breath, not a trace of red on him. As he headed to the cart to grab a bite to eat, hushed whispers began doing the rounds. Oblivious to the eyebrows he had raised, a mischief of mice circling the food cart had his undivided attention. The strange, green man was not pleased. He took out a pipe and began to play. Lo, and behold, the mice marched in an orderly line and willingly jumped in the canal across the street. That’s when the town knew, their prayers had been answered.

*******

The tea set had been laid in the garden lounge. The crimson kingdom flags were flying high. The entourage had taken extra care to ensure everything was Code Red. The Pipe Shrieker, too, walked in dressed in blood red satin robes, specially designed for the occasion. The Queen of Tarts entered. Sensing familiar territory, she relaxed the frown lines on her forehead and seated herself on the lounge chair.

“So, they tell me you are a great wizard?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” He had been briefed about her terrible, terrible mood swings. So he did not react to the rhetorical question. Although, she seemed very composed and civil, at the moment.

She smiled at the Royal Address. It was so wonderful when people behaved as they did back in the summer of 69.

“And I have been told, you have a cure for my Royal Headache?”

“Why, yes I do. If I have Her Majesty’s permission, may I work on the diagnosis? Just a few questions.”

He was such a polite fellow. Why the rest of her subjects couldn’t be like this, she thought. She nodded her approval. He continued.

“Describe to me the nature of your ailment. Any detail, however small, will be appreciated.”

The Queen let out a deep sigh.

“I like law and order. Everything and everyone, in their place. If I have told you once, I have told you a hundred times already. However, these nincompoops just don’t get it. I have to go repeating myself. And there is only so much I can do.”

He nodded. She was grateful for the look of understanding on his face. Relieved, actually. She continued.

“And I try. Believe me, I do. It is not easy running a kingdom, what with so many new provinces sprouting everywhere. But discipline, law and order is a must. You can’t be running around like a headless chicken, now can you? But they don’t get it. Over and over again, they do the same darn stuff that aggravates me. And then I simply go ‘off with their heads’, and peace is restored.”

“But isn’t that a little too drastic”, he asked. “After all, mutual respect is what defines great dynasties.”

“Of course. They ought to respect me and I respect that.”

“No, no, what I meant, Your Highness, was perhaps they could be persuaded in other ways.”

“Oh, I’ve tried that route. I wasn’t always like this you know. I used to mingle around, smile and indulge in conversations. And I quite enjoyed it too, if I say so myself. Things were simple and non-complicated, but the naive me was taken for granted”, she added wistfully.

“And then Alice happened?”

“Alice? Who the fuck is Alice? She is an imposter. None of these morons know her like I do. Hah, the day she messes with me, I will turn around and say, off with her head.”

“What do you have against her?” He knew it was coming, but it was a risk he had to take.

“Oh I have nothing against her”, she thundered. “She is not even in my league. I am Royal Blood. Commoners can’t match up with that! Not an ounce of gratitude in this generation. They think they can get away with blue murder. I don’t get their words and I certainly don’t get their actions. How dare they question the Queen of Tarts? And that too, when they have nothing, nothing whatsoever to lay claim to fame. And if the people feel they are right, well, off with their heads too! I was never the one for the herd instinct anyway. I know I can and I am not a terrorist! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS I SAY!!!!!”

He knew it was time.

“I will build my kingdom the way I deem fit. It will have red roses and red roses alone. I don’t care for white. They are too pale. I will……………continue to give orders………………and expect them to be followed, in life and death. I…………….er…………………me………………what……………..where………………stop this music…………….it is so soothing. I don’t do happy stuff……leave me be……………I like to crib……it makes me feel better and be in control……….people are ungrateful……….Oh I am feeling light……………………..oh………….I am flying………..oh………….that was a cloud…………ha ha ha ……………………oh this is beautiful………………..I love the world……………I love you all………….ah sunshine……………..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

THUD!

Last heard, the Queen of Tarts had taken to meditation under the guidance of an Indian guru. She was now Gajini ki behen Sajni. Her memory lapses kept her in a happy place. Her self-published memoirs became second only to Harry Potter, in terms of sales. In her spare time, she baked the most mouth watering tarts you’d ever tasted. The kingdom was in the able hands of the Pipe Shrieker who went on to marry the Jack of Clubs. The people sang and danced, as all colours were given equal importance. And yes, they lived happily, ever after.  Or so, I was told.

Comments

comments

Comments

36 responses to “The Queen of Tarts”

  1. janu avatar
    janu

    Hahaha…a trade mark BG post and how I love it! Yeah, I have come across snooty people like these. And, they are too close for comfort, a certain neighbor pops into my mind 🙂

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Ha ha ha ha Janu, I know who you are talking about. Green with envy, eh? You all are too little to be in her esteemed company. And she can’t bear mine 😛

  2. Roshni avatar

    An admirable work of fiction!! You have amazing imagination, Vinita!! How you thought this one up, I cannot imagine! 🙂

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Ah Rosh, the things one hears and sees, all stories stem from there. All I have done is combined two fairy tales in present day scenario. I think if the Queen of Tarts did Zumba or Aqua Aerobics, she’d not be so stressed 😀

  3. A Walk into the Woods avatar

    Something doesn’t go down well with me in this one.. 😐
    Dark humour? I am not sure.

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Dark, not at all. The Queen of Tarts got her happy ending, no? So did the Pipe Shrieker. It’s all in the mind 🙂

  4. Afshan avatar
    Afshan

    This reminded me the alice in wonderland act we did during an IB meet in Bangalore. Hav pics on FB too where I was entering in to the cave . LOL ! I have no idea why the group chose me to be Alice 😛
    and ur post. Need I say more ? Jack of clubs, pipe shreiker, Queen of tarts – WAH ! Visualising it was all and sensible

    Good one

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Oh, lol, what a coincidence Afshan 🙂 But I am glad you enjoyed the post and my visualization skills. As you know, I am maha filmy!

  5. Ritu Lalit avatar

    Gajni ki behn Sajni … right. Poor Red Queen, I kinda sympathize with her and her paronia. Would be nice if everyone toed the line laid by self … sigh. Ah well, I’ll go decapitate some baingan to satisfy the urge to sever heads from certain bodies.

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Yeah me too, so had to give her a happy ending since she was clearly not thinking straight. I can be nice, sometimes.

      Oh that urge is so contagious. Thankfully we have our blogs 😛

  6. Rachna avatar

    hehe What imagination, Vinita :). I have no clue from where you pull out such tales! What a lovely ending for the Queen. So, I see meditation is the answer. No wonder, I love Yoga :).

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Lol, Rachna, moh maya main kuch nahin rakha hai. Sab uttar saadhna main hi hai!

      Two packets of Parle G daily are responsible for my vivid imagination 😀

  7. Rainbow Hues avatar

    What a lovely imaginative post. I enjoyed it completely. Seemed like my story…at some time in life I was that- if I have said it once, I have already said it a hundred times! 😛

    Yeah, meditation helps 😀

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Lol, Kajal, I am still like that. Meditation is definitely the key. I am thinking of focusing on Mel Gibson and Richard Gere…..;)

  8. Ruch avatar

    After your last piece of Fiction, I thought it couldn’t get better than that. But this is fabulous. From Cinderella to Alice to Pied Piper – you’ve done them all haven’t you.
    I Kinda pity the Queen of tarts, the poor soul 😛

    1. blogwatig avatar

      I kinda live in fairy tale land, kya karun? Na, na, the Queen of Tarts is at ‘piece’ now, don’t you worry 🙂 Main hoon na!

  9. Anuradha Khanna avatar

    Waah… What a twist in the ending… Kya pace tha… Enjoyed reading the post… I was wondering how it will end… Oh and i can so connect with the ghajini ki behen sajini… With the memory stuff of course 😉

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Ha, ha, ha, Anu………….woh line toh tumhare liye arpit tha 😛 Tum toh original ho 😀

      Thanks for reading.

  10. Rickie avatar

    You know, others may find this fairy-taleish and all that, I am reading a lot of biting political commentary in this!

    I love stories that have a happy ending (well, most of the time I do, anyway) The Red Queen finally finding her peace as a Yogini and bestselling author, Piper Boy finding his Jack, and Alice presumably finally catching that rabbit and making a mean stew out of it for dinner!

    Delish!

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Akhir ek heere ki pechaan ek johari hi kar sakta hai 😀

      And from you, a comment like this………..I am taking a graceful bow 🙂

  11. Manpreet avatar
    Manpreet

    Gajini…. Sajini…. Rofl!! Reminded me of our coffees and crazy convos :p

    1. blogwatig avatar

      SSSSSSShhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Manpreet, censor those convos….can’t have the CIA listening in 😛

  12. Diwakar Narayan avatar

    Maybe, this is the first one of its kind that I have read, if you excuse my ignorance. I will come back for more!

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Ah, Diwakar and that simply brightens my day. I am glad you will revisit 🙂

  13. subhorup avatar

    Loved the way it kept reminding me of people we know. 🙂 Felt the ending was too kind and unexpected. 🙂

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Subho, ahem, it did, did it? 😉 Oh well, I can be kind at times, but I like that it was unexpected. What more can an ordinary blogger ask for?

  14. Pankti Mehta avatar

    LOL…My favorite part is, Gajini ki behen Sajni 😀 😀 😀

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Lol, I think I need to trademark that 😛 Pssst, me like it too!

  15. Swati avatar

    LOVED IT ABsolutely!!! awesome imagination 🙂

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Gracias Swati……….me thinks so too!

  16. Swapna Thomas avatar

    Wish this could happen in real life too. 🙂 There are some queens of tarts I know as well. 🙂 Gajni ki behen sajni, rajni and more could be there.

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Ah, their race keeps on multiplying…but then again, what would we do if we did not have such samples to perk us up? 😛

  17. Priti avatar
    Priti

    Haha…you made me laugh. 😀 “ghajini ki behen sajini” was the most hilarious part…would you mind sharing a pack of Parle G with me…

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Hai na, I thought so too………………and noooooooooooooooo praan jaye par Parle G na jaye 😛

  18. Meety avatar
    Meety

    Imagination at its best!!! Your works are a pleasure worth reading….

    1. blogwatig avatar

      Thank you, Meety. That makes me very happy 🙂

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