You can stop humming the Fine Young Cannibals and read for a change. I swear, I meant to write another post, but you know how life is. Here you are minding your own business, and the next minute it throws you curve balls. Now the fertile mind that I have, a concoction of events takes shape and they flow out in a word recipe.
The female species have baffled mankind for the longest period of time. Of course there are fab women out there, but some are perpetually in a state of PMS and that gives the rest of the girl gang a bad name. Worse, if they share the same social circle. The ‘eat together, drink together and poop together’ syndrome is at an all time high. Of course, it takes all sorts to make the world, but when they live within your daily communication radius, it can be quite cumbersome to keep up.
Ms. Goal keeper
This woman was the inventor of the score card. Apart from your child’s grades, she knows how your husband fared in his horizontal workouts and what was your ‘inch loss’ over your ‘weight loss’! She knows the classes to go for and will have a ready-reckoner for every vacation to take. Heck she even knows what you did last summer. A goal saved is as good as a goal scored, eventually. In the mind’s eye, NASA has been conquered.
She is here, there, everywhere, reads all, knows all. Has an opinion but won’t confirm. May add her two pence but would not want to be quoted or misquoted. Avoids controversies but will love to chat about it. She is the one who hangs around because this seemingly symbiotic relationship is actually a favorable one for her. According to her, all the world is a stage, but the performances suck for want of a better script. She promises to switch over, but then again won’t confirm when?
As the name suggests, tries too hard to mix in. Camouflage is not one of her best skills, hence will participate, laugh, crack up and nod in agreement to pretty much what is on the table. Never mind she is miles away from deciphering the code of conduct. She sits pretty and adds to the backdrop. Harmless but could be a latch on if not watched out for. Has a tendency to be the creeper on the mighty oak. Frets over issues of in-consequence.
Ms. Shape Shifter
Not that this kinda woman shifts her shape, well actually, that too, but she can’t decide which side she belongs to. So she conveniently is the pigeon one day, the statue on the others. Busy as a bee, she flits from one flower to the other gathering the all too precious nectar for survival. The beauty of this woman lies in her ability to traverse the length and the breadth of a conversation and yet come back with zilch info or so you think. Priceless, doffing my hat, Milady!
Here is the stalwart of all times. She has newly found freedom and a life she just discovered. She rushes where angels dread. Speed of (F)light is a slight problem, but flashes of brilliance occur occasionally. All that she wants is to be the superstar, someday over the rainbow. The brand ambassador of liposuction and their kinds, she can’t think beyond her pretty countenance. The world is her kitty. Blonde, no. Daft, er….yes!
The Queen, she expects her subjects to bow down to her whims and fancies. Apart from the fact that she is a self proclaimed Goddess, she expects you to endorse her choices. So you feel darn awkward if you so much so plead guilty to making a deviation. Her area of focus is limited and multitasking is not really one of her virtues. Hence she relies on the army of ants for her chores which she seemingly delegates in choices of ‘pick and drop’. Humour is a strict no-no and God bless you if you go beyond topics of weight loss and brands splurged on. Artificial Intelligence just got bifurcated.
Yup they add the spice and they make the mare go…yada yada yada, but wish they’d pick another backyard or at least change the conversational topics. Or maybe it is time to move on and find solace amidst strangers who match my alien wavelength. So have you met any of these? Or do you have a list to add? Bring it on!
Statutory warning : Sense of humour is mandatory to read this post. In case you are found wanting in the category, we suggest you trade your Guccis and Louis Vuittons for the same.