I, Me & Myself…
Here I am with loads to do on a Sunday morning, and don’t know where to start. I always knew the best way to de-stress is to de-clutter. Let go of possessions, and you immediately feel a lot lighter. So I take upon the daunting challenge of clearing my wardrobe. Hopefully by the end of this exercise, I’ll have space for some new additions.
I slide in the mirrored panel, and am greeted with hues from an era gone by. The brocade sarees gifted to me by my mum….my worst critic, and yet the only one whose opinion really matters. Being loggerheads with her all through my growing years seemed only natural. After all, I am precisely what she does not want me to be….her replica. I have inherited her determination; stubbornness and temper, in addition to her creativity, brown eyes and ‘never say die’ attitude. She wanted culinary skills and housekeeping thrown in, but I think that was too much for the Creator himself. Time moved on, and yes I became a mother. Somehow, the tables turned and I was on the other side of the fence. When, how, why I have no recollection…… but I do know I have rediscovered my mum all over again. And she is enjoying childhood a second time round, this time on my expense. So I guess the sarees will have to stay.
Hidden from my view, crumpled on the shelf, there lie a bunch of scarves bought by my dad. It was from his first trip to London. Now what was I going to do with scarves? But then again dad had never been that great at shopping, let alone pick things for the women folk. He’d always been the kind of a father you look up to. He worked hard to provide for his family, and expected respect and gratitude in return. He always believed that you return the way you walk out of the house every morning, honesty and integrity intact. He was my hero and now with him gone, those scarves that I never wore have taken his place. A constant reminder of his presence in my life….I‘ll just have to look at something else to let go of….not these….not yet!
Well, what do we have here? A sexy black dress that all fashion divas swear having is necessary. It’s a simple A length halter bought by my husband when we were dating. I wore it to the millennium dance. Oh, how that year was hyped with Y2K and nothing happened to most computers! I looked like a million bucks, alright. And yes, he sported me on his arm through out. What a night that was? It’s funny how you keep a dress in the closet and it shrinks 2 sizes! Well so did my relationship with my man. It’s moved on from being honey bun, sweetheart, darling, pudding, and pumpkin to ‘are you still in the shower?’ Sometimes it makes me wonder why do people advocate marriage. And then there are days when you have someone to come home to. Someone who lets you be just the mad, aggravated you, for he knows you will calm down after the outburst. He lands up unannounced to pick you from a class or puts the baby to bed. He doesn’t buy you flowers, and has never really understood the significance of mushy movies but then how many of those kinds are there really? Okay, so cricket is really important, and so are football and tennis, but I do get my occasional Desperate Housewives. So I guess I’ll just keep this one. Who knows probably Munchkin will wear it for another Christmas dance.
Who Munchkin you say? Well she is my lil devil all of 6 years. I thought I had the gift of the gab, till she learnt to talk. I still can’t believe my closest competition has been brewing all this while under my nose. At her age she is quite sure about what she wants. ‘Mama, I want chocolate not strawberry milkshake’. ‘Pink is for girls, blue is for boys’. ‘Can I have the remote?’ Sometimes I wish kids came with user manuals, at least I’d know where the switch off button is! Way back when I was 6 I’d be grateful if I got a gift, let alone choose it. With every year I think this one is going to be alright, but then we graduate from a Barbie to a Hannah Montana and I find myself answering questions like, if a boy is my friend is he my boyfriend? Why do people kiss? Do I have to get married? And as much as I try to answer all questions with honesty, I don’t really think she is convinced. But then again I don’t remember a day without her. All my happy memories somehow have Munchkin in them. And I think I am just going to enjoy the music while it lasts. Before I know, it will be time to let go, and then I won’t be able to say, just this once.
Let’s search for something else, shall we? And what do we have here, a t-shirt that reads ‘I’d walk with you if you are going my way’. Ah yes, it was made for the annual College Fest. My best friend had a similar one. The two of us were inseparable. She really is my soul mate, and even today can gauge by a single hello how good a conversation we are going to have. She moved on to the US to get a coveted MBA degree, and have seen her twice in the past 8 years. Miss her tremendously, but thank god for webcams and cell phones. Never knew long distance relationships could survive, till I worked on this one. Having friends is one, but being able to have a friendship that’s rock solid is something else. Truly, our paths entwined, and we have pretty much walked with each other subconsciously. So t-shirt in you go…. Glad you surfaced though!
So as I close my wardrobe, not really managed to get rid of much, but it sure did open some closed corners. Memories, moments, my family, and my life all pretty much stocked in there. In a sense I did declutter…I cleared the cobwebs from my mind’s eye…..and set a part of me free.