It is amazing how the day you decide you need to do an extra bit of cleaning; your maid reads your thoughts and decides to take a sick leave. I could swear they have inbuilt radar or something. And as much as the cobwebs beckon from the corners and crevices of the false ceiling, it is a task that leaves me breathless, literally. However, spring cleaning has been way overdue and hence I brave myself for my challenge ahead.

Dusters and brooms in hand, I climb atop the ancient stool that makes known its discomfort with the irregular weight change. Choosing to ignore the creaking complaints, I begin the display of my housekeeping skills. A swish, a swosh and voila, the room is filled with smoke! As my mind makes a mental note to reprimand my maid for storing up all this dust in this secret hiding place, I find a genie staring me in the eye and then he says those magic words “What are your three wishes my mistress?”

Ok, flashback moment, we all have dreams, visions of achieving the impossible. We nurture them in the hope that someday they will be our reality. While some set personal targets as achievable milestones, others might be harboring secret fantasies of wearing their underpants outside and saving the world. It takes a very secure person to do that by the way. But me, I am just a simple soul and not that adventurous per se. And you can’t ask a woman to make up her mind just like that!

Even as I asked him why he would settle for cobwebs rather than a traditional lamp, he asked me “Do you own a traditional lamp?” Point noted, I decided to end the conversation and very well get to the point. So I rattled off the 3 things that I really wish could change for world peace (and also because I speak faster than I can think!!!! Damn it!!)

a)    All India Licenses of Men to publicly water the roads to be revoked.
As much as it may be helping a tad bit in a greener India, the sight of private hoses at every nook and corner lined up against walls ain’t such a pretty sight. Well if they have to go, better get them going, no?

b)    Ban pillion riders on bikes with overflowing duppatas/sarees.
The Yash Chopra syndrome has ruined generations I tell you. Unaware and blissful, with all cares thrown to the world, they embrace stupidity with as much passion as they feel (for) the rider. And as the light fabric slowly caresses the wheels of the bike, eager for a fateful union, I hate to break their moment, but rolling down my windows I say ‘Behenji aapka duapatta’. Now there is only so much ‘fanfare’ that I can take right? And while you are at it could bike licenses be given to 60 and above years of age? Senior citizens have the age and experience to handle this mean machine which youngsters lack. Seriously I don’t see any other way to curb the rash riding. Do you?

c)     Nominate parents for ‘WTF were you thinking?’ awards.
Parents walking with their kids on the outer side of the road definitely top my list. I mean after all the hard work they put it; they sure need the protection from the oncoming traffic!
Parents who cross the street in the middle of chaos and confusion are surely setting such a good example of time management. Rush it, don’t work it, not worth it seems to be their mantra. 
Parents who talk on the phone whilst driving and kid in front seat mind you! What seat belt are you talking about? Something about teach them young and watch them grow.

Almost as I was done, I see him staring blankly at me as he finally says “You lost me at India. Sorry but for logistical reasons all operations to this region have been shifted to China. Kindly contact help desk on the toll free number mentioned here”. And just like that he was gone……I frantically dial the number and am greeted with an IVR “Iss route ki sabhi linein vyasst hain, kripya thodi der baad dial karein”.  And I am left thinking………..China, et tu?



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